i. At the head of the guillotine there's a basket for the detached head to drop into. It is lined with barley. There's a serial killer joke here somewhere.
ii. I just talked with a woman who said, "Let me play the devil's advocate." Listening to her, I knew she wasn't just playing.
iii. What does 'going to hell in a hand basket' mean? Is someone going to carry you? Do you get to use the '5 items or less' lane?
iv. I just bought some Girl Guide Cookies. I used to think girl guides actually baked them as a good deed. I thought a lot of other stupid things too.
v. I used to think babies came out of their mothers' belly buttons . . . kinda like puffballs but not atomized like that.
vi. My 97 year old mother says that, once you get really old, nothing pleases you any more. So I said, "How about being a burden to your children or slopping on yourself when you eat soup?"
vii. I've never believed in God, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus. I still don't step on cracks in sidewalks but that's more O.C.D. than metaphysics.
viii. I like spoonerisms. My favourite is wishdasher. I was doing an Aesop Fable with my third graders and naively called it the Grant and the Asshopper - I spent the rest of the period trying to pick them up off the floor and trying to induce amnesia.
ix. When Romans went to the grocery store, did they ask for XII buns. Did they write "Happy XLVIIIth Birthday" on their cakes?
x. I think another interesting question is, "To be or never to have been" or "Why why did I just walk into the kitchen?"