I was in a checkout line at the grocery store behind a lady who was buying boxes and boxes of Kool-Aid. I asked, “Are you starting a cult?” She just looked at me.
I once had an argument about appropriate language with a mental midget.
I love religious zealots: not in an “I really admire you” kind of way but more in a “look at that dog chasing its tail” kind of way.
If I started a newspaper in Tibet I’d call it “The Daily Llama” and have a logo with one of those South American pack animals. I figure the Chinese government would have a yen for that sort of thing.
Men have a tough time committing to relationships and an even tougher time letting go. It’s like skiing – you would rather sit in the chalet and drink coffee or hot chocolate but once you’re out on the hill, you always want to do one more run. Or maybe it’s not like that at all.
At 97 my mother is starting to lose her mental turgor (the thing that keeps plants from drooping). That’s a good thing, from my point of view; the last thing I want is a clear mental picture of what’s lurking around the corner at that point.
I had a dream once that I was in a car accident and my car was totaled. The following week I had a car accident in which my car was totaled. I’ve also had dreams where I win lotteries, find treasures, have super powers and cavort with Angelina Jolie. I’m still waiting for a couple of those before I jump on the prophetic dream band wagon.
Apparently, if you dream of falling and actually hit the ground, you die. I don’t think this can possibly be based on any empirical evidence but it explains a lot of people’s very rational fear of bunk beds.
You know that old aphorism, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”? I think that’s the motto of the creationism-must-be-taught-alongside-evolution wing nuts. It’s actually been proven to work in some republican states – the same ones where “In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” has been reaffirmed time and again.
I’ve never understood the saying, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” I mean, how many cooks does it take to make broth?
